The Blessing of Homecoming

Dustin is due home the 3rd week in March, and how I wish I could post the date...
My mind is filled with so many different emotions, from totally stoked to sad, and everything in between.
It's been a rough 10 months. I've heard others that go through this experience and say, "it seems like it goes by so slow but once it's over, it seems like it flew by!" Definitely not for me. It's been a long hard road, and I'm so glad it's over (Well, almost). It seems each day closer to homecoming gets longer and longer and the sun doesn't set fast enough.
At the same time, I feel nervous, anticipant, with a thousand things running through my mind. I feel much more lonely and about as sad as I did when he first left... It seems as though this part is the hardest of all.
I've made the homecoming sign, got the other one I ordered in, and now it's just all about waiting. The one thing about waiting is that it can drive you insane, it's like I've been pacing back and forth in a big empty room waiting for someone to let me out. I feel like I'm holding my breath, but yet I'm breathing all at once.
It feels like everything goes wrong just as it did when he first left. I feel like if he were here, everything wouldn't be so hard to deal with. I almost feel more empty now then I did for the whole deployment.
With all those emotions, I am happy. I'm ecstatic. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with emotion, that I just want to cry for no reason at all.
But most of all, when he gets here, I want him to be proud of me. I want him to be proud that I stayed as strong as I could, and kept it together. I want him to be proud that through all the bad days, I found something to make me smile. I want him to be proud to say I'm his wife.
The moment I see him for the first time in months, in his uniform, completely exhausted from the commute back, and he sees me and just smiles. The first embrace as he holds me tight and kisses my cheek and tells me "It's OK now," is the moment I will be able to let that out that sigh of relief and know everything is finally... OK.
And that... that is the best feeling of all.
The feeling of having him around everyday is one I will never take for granted. I didn't before, and I won't do it when he returns. It makes me cherish the time we have together, even when we can't stand each other, we still have each other.
As many downsides there are to the lifestyle, there is one thing that I can say which no one else can. I am a military wife. I know what it's like to be together, yet be so far apart. I know what a privilege it is to have you home every night, that it's not something you expect, it's not guaranteed.
So next time you hold your love close, think about how different your life could be. Count your blessings, and remember, it's a privilege.